The Name

It's spelled Schmatjen. It's pronounced "Smidgen", like a smidgen of this, and a smidgen of that. No one in the family knows why. It's German, but some kind of strange hill-people German that were more Austrian or Swiss or Drunk than actual Germans.

So we all went by "Smidge". Once you pronounce it for people, that's your nickname. No getting around it, …