Happy New Laws

They could not be avoided

As you ring in the new year tonight, and lay your head on your pillow (if you’re like me – at 9:05 pm, after New York has seen 2026 and not exploded more than usual), you can rest assured that tomorrow you will wake up to a whole host of important new laws.

As a public service to you, I thought I’d highlight some of the more relevant and hard-hitting new legislation, state by state, in convenient alphabetical order. Here at Just a Smidge, we do the three minutes of internet research so that you don’t have to!

In Arkansas…

Act 621 will establish a “Farmer Sales Tax Identification Card” farmers can present when buying products in lieu of an exemption certificate that claims a tax exemption. It is unclear if you need to actually be a farmer to get one of these cards to be exempt from sales tax, but I will be looking into getting one in hopes that it works in California as well.

Arkansas is also doing their part to keep reduce political corruption. Act 881 allows the director of the Arkansas Economic Development Commission to offer, at his or her discretion, a tax credit of up to 10% to the companies looking to relocate to the state. I’m confident that will not result in any personal wealth increase(s) to the director’s spouse and/or brother-in-law.

In response to the insane amount of Cracker Barrel restaurants in the state, Arkansas legislators also approved Act 628 to mandate health plans to cover any and all treatments for diseases and conditions caused by severe obesity. And to prove that they are really logical and not at all beholden to any special interests, the law excludes coverage for prescribed weight loss medications. Makes good sense.

Here in California…

After what seems like an eternity of waiting, the Golden State has finally passed a law mandating that sesame be added to the official list of “major food allergens,” and I think we can all agree that it’s about damn time.

Apparently, the forestry and paper products lobby offered up the largest kickbacks personal loan repayments to the California legislator’s spouses and brothers-in-law, because 2026 brings with it a statewide plastic bag ban. Beginning tomorrow, grocery stores, pharmacies, liquor stores, and convenience stores can no longer provide plastic bags to customers at checkout. They will be limited to offering paper bags, with the cost per bag at 10 cents. No one in California has any idea what they will now use to line their small wastebaskets, but we are certain it will not be 10-cent paper bags.

In a big win for I have no idea who, Uber and Lyft drivers can now form and organize unions for collective bargaining. As a compromise to get this important bill passed, Governor Newsom signed an additional measure that cuts the companies’ insurance requirements for accidents. I think all of that sounds like it will work out just great for everyone, don’t you?

High school students around the state of California are celebrating tonight, because starting in 2026, they will no longer have to go through the pesky process of actually applying to California State Universities. Students who meet the unknown-to-me-because-I-didn’t-read-about-it requirements will now be automatically admitted to college, which is great, because I don’t think any kid who’s planning to go to college should be subject to filling out any kind of form or application at all. That just seems like a lot of work, unlike college, which is supposed to be super easy.

And lazy people across the Golden State tonight are in for even more of a treat than severely overpaying for food delivered right to their door. A new law mandates that food delivery platforms like DoorDash and Uber Eats will now have to fully refund people in their original payment method when an order is not delivered, is incomplete, or incorrect. That leads the rest of us to ask, what the hell was happening before?

Meanwhile, in Colorado…

In a bold move, H.B. 25-1330 has been passed to exempt quantum computing equipment from the right to repair law. If you have devices, components or systems – like we all do – designed to perform or facilitate quantum information processing, as well as quantum sensing devices that exploit quantum phenomena, you can bet your ass that you aren’t covered under whatever the hell the “right to repair” law is, and I for one could not be more for, or possibly against this new policy.

Sadly, Colorado’s new bill, S.B. 25-079, is taking the natural selection process out of crypto currency purchasing. The Vending of Digital Assets Act requires an owner or operator of a virtual currency kiosk to provide disclosures, receipts, and a full refund option on a customer’s first virtual currency transaction. Colorado is obviously not in my camp on this issue – namely, if you are stupid enough to buy Dogecoin at all, let alone from a mall kiosk, you should never be allowed to have any of your money ever again.

Down in Georgia…

Important legislation will go into effect allowing teledentistry. Unfortunately, while HB 567 now permits dental care via teledentistry, it does not explain how the hell a dentist will be able to tell what’s going on with your teeth on Facetime. “No, more to the right. Now, down more. OK, don’t move. No, you need to move your tongue. No, not that way. Forget it.”

Over in Illinois…

Everyone can rest easy, because two years ago Illinois began doing what we all desperately needed – phasing out hotel soaps. As per the 2024 Senate Bill 2960, starting tomorrow, any hotel that carelessly provide toiletries such as shampoo, conditioner and bath soap in less than six-ounce plastic containers will be subject to fines of up to $1500 for each violation. Thank the Lord.

And in a move that is basically the poster child for how government actually works, Senate Bill 1563 will make it easier for authorities to remove squatters who are illegally staying at someone else’s residence.

The bill was signed in July after – I am not making this up – squatters moved into a home next door to Rep. Marcus Evans in Chicago. The police told the homeowners they couldn’t legally remove the squatters and that they would have to go through the eviction process in Cook County court, which can take months. It was then that the Illinois legislature magically sprang into action to save the poor Representative Evans from the current policies of their own state which up until that point had only affected the commoners. Again, I am not making that up.

And since Illinois has traditionally led the league in corruption, it should be no surprise that House Bill 576 now allows public officials to use their campaign funds to pay for personal security services and security upgrades to their home, including security systems, cameras, walls, fences and other physical improvements. Anything for those poor politicians, am I right!? I can’t wait to hear about how the “other physical improvements” category is interpreted.

In Tennessee…

They have decided to take a bold stance and actually promote underage drinking by passing Senate Bill 2129, which found unanimous support in the senate, allowing “permissive virtual identity verification” when people buy alcohol. Since teenagers are traditionally the least tech-savvy among us, I see no issues with fake ID’s becoming more prevalent instead of less. And Sen. Richard Briggs (R-Knoxville) added some assurance, saying that the law only allows alcohol purchases for off-premises consumption, which means that virtual ID’s would not be allowed in bars or restaurants. That’s good, because any fake virtual ID’s will have to run the gauntlet of the most trained and vigilant group of ID checkers in the nation – mini-mart clerks.

In the great state of Texas…

They are spearheading the effort to stop Skynet by passing HB 149, the “Texas Responsible Artificial Intelligence Governance Act,” which has a bunch of flowery language about how they will ban AI’s that do or don’t do certain specific things, which is awesomely funny, because there isn’t a single person associated in any way with the Texas legislature that could tell you one single thing about how AI works. So, best of luck with HB 149! For all you know, AI already re-wrote it and you have been fired.

In Virginia…

New parents can rest easier now that the Baby Food Protection Act is in effect. The law prohibits the sale or distribution of baby food products in Virginia if the food contains toxic heavy metals, such as arsenic, lead, cadmium, or mercury, above the limits set by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA). The need for this law would obviously suggest that prior to 2026, Virginia was cool with baby food that did not meet FDA standards for high levels of toxic heavy metals, leading everyone outside Virginia to ask the same question – What the hell is wrong with you people?

And finally, in Washington state…

You will be relieved to learn that SB 5127 now puts additional requirements on collector vehicle and horseless carriage license plates to improve compliance and public safety. These types of vehicles now require either some actual horses, or special insurance. And in order to get one of these plates, the owner must have a second registered vehicle for daily use, so that maybe Phil down the street will stop driving his damned Model A seven miles an hour in front of you, waving at everyone like an idiot, when you’re late for work.

I trust, that like me, you can see the value of each and every one of these new laws, and also like me, you will start the new year deeply grateful that we have elected such learned and selfless individuals to the highest offices in this great land.

See you in the new year,

-Smidge

Now, a special ALL READER poll to ring in the New Year…