Welcome to the Just a Smidge Substack!
We’re conveniently located at smidgeajust.substack.com to add a fun level of difficulty to finding us, but mostly because someone got to the justasmidge domain first. Oh well.
If we don’t already know each other, my name is Marc Schmatjen, which is pronounced “Mark,” as in “bookmarc.” I’ve been writing the weekly Just a Smidge humor column online since 2008, but recently moved it over here with the cool kids at Substack in early 2025.
If you’re new to Just a Smidge, here are five things you should know about me, in order of importance:
Walking out into bright sunlight makes me sneeze. I am one of only an estimated seven people in the world with this disorder. We have a club.
My favorite joke of all time is: A guy walks into the psychiatrist’s office wearing nothing but underwear made out of Saran wrap. The doctor takes one look at him and says, "Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts."
I constantly get my left and right mixed up. This makes my wife threaten divorce regularly when giving me directions in the car.
My three favorite flavors are burnt pepperoni, slightly burnt bacon, and well-toasted sesame seeds. Basically, if it has caught on fire, I want to eat it. Except for my s’more marshmallows. Those should only be browned.
Toilet paper should come off the top of the roll. I’m not stating that as a personal preference, but simply as a fact.
I’d love to have you stick around, now that we’re best friends, so please subscribe! When you do, you’ll never miss a post because they’ll be sent directly to your inbox.
You can be a free subscriber by just providing your email address. If you’d like to be a paid subscriber or a founding member, you will probably get into Heaven ahead of all the free subscribers. You’ll also get access to the full archive, the ability to vote in the incredibly scientific polls, access to the Just a Smidge chat so you can message with other paid subscribers about why the polls are so insightful, occasional paid-only posts, and first priority for suggesting possible Just a Smidge topics.
Thanks for joining us. We’re happy you’re here!
